Honestly, we need to eliminate sonnets

Sonnets poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague unto our houses.

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My second semester of college has commenced and I’m in a bit of a time crunch, but I recently came across an old sonnet I had to write for my writing workshop class in high school, and after reading it, I had an epiphany. What if, hear me out… what if we eliminate sonnets? Who likes them, honestly? We should just stop writing them, stop talking about them, and if someone ever brings up the word ‘sonnet’ again, we should just start screaming.

Maybe I’m just very a little bitter over my experience writing two of those monsters in high school. With that said, I’ve grown much as a writer, so I decided to take my sonnet-fueled loathing and put it to good use. As a result, I’ve rewritten parts of a sorry excuse for a passing grade.

The before piece:

Vision

Once upon a time, I would have given

My last breath to do you a great favor

But I just stay here as a lone vision

I’ll wait, very patient like an anchor

Be my Bonnie and I’ll be your Clyde

I’ll pick up many boxes, if you’d like

If only we can conquer side by side

Then together, oil is what we can strike

Your house is as welcoming as you are

Even if I’m just in your small garage

Unexpectedly, you bid me, au revoir

And said honey, I know, you’re a mirage

Your love, I know, can make me feel serene

My love, I swear, I’m more than just a dream

And, drum roll please…

The end result:

 

Four Months Free

Once upon a time, I would have given

My last breath to do you a great favor

But I just stay here as a lone vision

I’ll wait, just like a tombstone engraver

What can I get for you, sir? I asked

Three times that week you got the same order

Of course, that was a story from the past

And, of course, we’re only moving forward

Your house is as welcoming as you are

Even if I’m just in your small garage

Unexpectedly, you bid me, au revoir

And said honey, I know, you’re a mirage

You said I’m cloudier than coffee cream

My love, I swear, I’m more than just a dream

As satisfied as I am with the end result I still think we need to forgo sonnets.

With love, Alyssa

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